Life lately

After a 2 day photography class this weekend, I learned a lot about what I don't know and little about how to catch speed racers like this.

I just hope I'm able to catch my little speed racers in a new light.

You be the judge.

Still Jammin'

After a week at the ranch... I'm feeling much better, Eden hit official cowgirl status, and August thinks he is a country western star (he may have gotten some help from his father).

Lots more to share soon!

The Making of a Movie Star {Party}

Eden's birthday party couldn't have been more timely. She wanted a "movie" party and since Oscar season was upon us, we celebrated in red carpet style.

The guests arrived in their pajamas and were adorned at the door.

The paparazzi flashed pictures.

And each child got to strut their stuff on the red carpet.

Next, we decorated big, gold, Hollywood stars (but my focus on 10 finger painting kids kept me from taking pictures)!

We ate pizza and a star studded cake.

For the grand finale:
They watched The Muppets Take Manhattan with popcorn in hand.

And although we are not fully convinced she is ready,

Eden talked us into her first sleep over.

The morning after!

Fighting Back

The lag in blog posts lately have been mostly due to a busy birthday/guest season around here, but I must admit, I have also been struggling a bit. I feel as though I am a (fairly) emotionally stable person when it comes to Eden's health status, but unfortunately there are some weeks that I completely fall apart. Last week was one of those weeks... within 36 hours, 3 kids from the CCF (Children's Cardiomyopathy Foundation - a.k.a. my support group) listserve died. Obviously, one of these kids dying is too many, and three was more than my heart could take. All three circumstances were different, but due to Cardiomyopathy. All three could have been or still could be Eden. All three caused me to stop in my tracks, give thanks for everything I've got, and I've honestly had trouble starting up again.

I have paused to try and figure out what is going on with me... (am I just feeling sorry for myself?)... and what I should be doing about it. I have talked to friends (thanks Nicole!). I have talked to Drs. (thanks Dr. Rubin!). I have even prayed (thanks God!). And more than just giving thanks for EVERY FREAKIN' SECOND that I have with Eden, I have decided to start fighting, I mean giving, back. What this will look like, I have not yet figured out. My goal is to actively support the community that has done so much for our family with the hopes that one more person fighting this ugly thing we call Cardiomyopathy might actually be what it takes to reach a cure.

I honestly don't know why it took me this long to figure out that I need to be doing more... better late than never, I guess.

Speaking of being late... here are some more pictures of how Eden celebrated her 5th birthday.

Making star shaped brownies for her preschool class (the night before).

Eating breakfast (Mickey Mouse pancakes) with her presents.

Blowing out the candles at her school party.

Playing with new toys and loving every second of HER day.

LUCK:

"Believing in the extraordinary by noticing the daily magic in the ordinary."

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

P.S. I'm lovin' their green eyes today :)

Growing up and giving back

Dear Eden,

On your birthday, the day we should be showering you with gifts, I sit down to think of all that you have given me. The last five years have been nothing that I expected of having a child; in so many ways, it's been more. We (us moms) often complain of all that is taken from us when we become mothers, but today I can only think of your gifts and how very lucky I am to be your mother. You have shown me passion and compassion, hope and healing, strength and mercy, youth and imagination, beauty and love, grace and kindness, dance and humor... and more dancing. I am so grateful for these gifts and so much more. I often feel guilty when I admit that March 3rd, 2006 was not the best day of my life, but because of it, I have treasured everyday since.

And even though you decided you didn't want me to sing you your song tonight... because you're five now... all grown up and ready to let go... I may have sung it right outside your door... because I'm NOT ready to give you up.

Happy Birthday, Eden Raine!

Love, Mom

Eden's Angel

(Not my photo)

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about Eden's angel, the child who lost his life and allowed Eden to continue her own. We are eternally grateful, you know we are, but have failed in our ability to share this with Eden's donor family. As we finally sat down to transform these feelings into words, I asked myself why it has taken us two and a half years to do this. Then it hit me... I am painfully aware that we are only one half of the extraordinary event that occurred on August 6th, 2008... the better* half. As in most everything in my life, I have trouble being the winner if it means someone else has to lose. This harsh reality has slowed me down, but what finally got us to seal the envelope this month was our ability to focus on the positive. Rather than just feeling bad for their loss, we chose to detail all that has been gained, including the amazing life Eden lives due to the gift they have given.

We hope they embrace our gratitude. We hope they choose to respond. We hope that someday we could introduce them to Eden and reunite them with the part of their child that lives on. And until then, I will continue to see hearts everywhere, and with each one know, that Eden's angel is smiling back at us.


*I say this lightly. The word "better" is relative, of course, Eden's had a very tough road and will for the rest of her life - but she is alive.